5 HEALTHY BOUNDARIES PARENTS NEED

CREATING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES FOR YOU and your FAMILY

We often struggle to set healthy boundaries in our personal and professional relationships. We constantly said "yes" to others' requests, sacrificing our needs, time, and energy. You may relate.

Having no or weak boundaries means we often suffer from burnout, stress, strained relationships, and even mental health issues. It took hard lessons to realise that the lack of boundaries is the root cause of many problems.

We must learn the importance of setting and maintaining healthy boundaries; otherwise, people will make them for us and take advantage of our good nature.

In this blog, we look at five different types of boundaries we need to model and teach our children so they grow up equipped to look after themselves. 

Teaching our children how to set and maintain healthy boundaries is an essential life skill that we often overlook. As adults, we may struggle with boundaries, and teaching our children their importance is challenging. However, failing to teach children about boundaries can leave them vulnerable to unhealthy relationships and dangerous situations.

Children who learn to establish healthy boundaries feel more in control of their environment, leading to greater confidence, self-assurance, self-respect, and self-love. 

Healthy boundaries help children develop empathy and respect for others so they build stronger, more harmonious relationships both now and in the future. Teaching children about healthy boundaries lays the foundation for a happy and fulfilling life.

Here are five essential boundaries:

1

EMOTIONAL BOUNDARIES 

 Our children are susceptible to emotional abuse if they don't have emotional boundaries. Emotional boundaries prevent them from being manipulated or controlled by another person, emotionally hurt by them and leaving them powerless and vulnerable. 

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that involves manipulating another person's perception of reality. 

Children who are being gaslit may experience a range of behaviours, including being constantly told that their feelings are wrong or invalid, being made to doubt their memory or perception of events, being blamed for things that are not their fault, being told that they are crazy or that something is wrong with them, and being made to feel guilty for expressing their needs or desires. Gaslighting can seriously affect mental health and well-being.

Other examples of emotional abuse include being overly critical, controlling, and overbearing, making us feel stifled, using threats and intimidation, withholding affection, blaming, shaming, and isolating. It is crucial to teach our children the importance of emotional boundaries and to recognise the signs of emotional abuse to protect them from potential harm.

2

MATERIAL BOUNDARIES 

Material boundaries are the limits we set for our possessions. It's ok to have boundaries around what we're willing to share and how our items are treated. If we lend something to someone, we can set expectations around how we want it returned. 

It's also ok to have things we don't like to share. So, if siblings have a favourite toy they don't want to share, teach them this is ok. If we find ourselves with friends who take our things without asking or don't return them in the same condition they received, it's ok to set boundaries and say no. 

3

PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES 

Physical boundaries are the limits we set around our bodies. Children need to learn they have control over their bodies and can say no when someone tries to inappropriately touch or harm them.

We need to be mindful of what we are teaching our children and consider that when we use violence to discipline our children, such as hitting our children with a belt or smacking them, we teach our children that the people they love and trust the most in the world are allowed to hurt them. We normalise this and send our children the wrong message. Children don't stop loving their parents because of this; they stop loving themselves.

4

TIME BOUNDARIES

Time boundaries are the limits we set around our schedules and how we spend our time. 

We must teach our children that it's ok to say no sometimes when they don't want to do something or don't have the time to do it. We need to show them that we respect other people's time and should not expect too much from them.  With no time boundaries, we can be taken advantage of and do favours, change plans, offer free labour, etc., when we don't want to or have time.

Before we know it, resentment has negatively impacted our relationships.

Sometimes, we can resolve this by setting healthy time limits or specific days that we can help others.

5

MENTAL BOUNDARIES 

Healthy mental boundaries protect our mental health and well-being. Recognising and respecting the diversity of individuals' thoughts, values, opinions, and beliefs is also essential.

Having differing thoughts, values, opinions, and beliefs is a natural part of the human experience, making us unique and individual. It is essential to remember that we all have different backgrounds, experiences, and perspectives that shape our worldviews.

By acknowledging and embracing diversity, we can learn from each other and gain new insights that help us grow and expand our minds. Having differing thoughts, values, opinions, and beliefs is okay if we respect and accept others' viewpoints without judgment or discrimination.

Setting healthy mental boundaries means not allowing others' opinions or beliefs to impact our mental health or well-being negatively. Still, it does not mean that we should try to impose our beliefs or views on others.

We all have different thoughts, values, opinions, and beliefs, which is normal and should be celebrated, as it makes us unique and helps us learn from each other. We can protect our mental health and create healthy, authentic relationships by setting healthy mental boundaries.

For instance, if a friend is upset and vents to you, a healthy mental boundary would be to recognise that their emotions and the way they handle them are their responsibility. You can offer support, but you should not feel obligated to fix the situation or absorb their negative emotions as your own. This boundary helps maintain your emotional health and prevents you from becoming overly drained or stressed by others' issues.

Take a step back and consider your boundaries and what you teach your children.

Boundaries are an essential part of  positive parenting, healthy relationships and independence. As parents, we must teach our children about boundaries and setting them. The best way to teach them is by modelling healthy boundaries in our lives and teaching our children to respect other people's boundaries too. Doing so can create a safe and healthy environment for ourselves and our children.

We can only model boundaries if we are sure how to enforce them. Parents who struggle are not sure how to implement healthy boundaries

Thanks for reading,

Ruth