How to Handle Sibling Rivalry
6 effective Tips TO FOSTER HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
As a parent, it’s not unusual to find yourself dealing with sibling rivalry, breaking up arguments and constant fallouts between your children. Whether your children are toddlers or teenagers, sibling rivalry can be one of the most challenging aspects of family life.
It’s difficult to watch your children struggle with each other, but sibling rivalry is actually an important part of their development. The way they interact with their siblings helps shape their emotional intelligence, understanding of fairness, and even their future relationships. Navigating sibling rivalry isn’t just about stopping the fights—it’s about teaching your children the skills they need to manage conflict, understand each other, and get along.
In this blog, I’ll share six effective strategies to help you handle sibling rivalry and foster stronger, healthier relationships between your children.
1. Promote Individual Attention
Sibling rivalry often stems from one or both children feeling they are not receiving enough attention. When children feel secure in their relationship with you, they’re less likely to compete for your attention. It is really helpful to spend regular quality, one-on-one time with each child. This helps them feel valued for who they are, not just in comparison to their sibling.
The time doesn't have to be lengthy; even a few minutes of uninterrupted attention can make a world of difference. When children feel that they have your full attention and love, they’re less likely to compete for it with their siblings.
Example: You might take your son for a walk to the park, while your daughter stays home for a quiet craft session with you. This simple act can make each child feel special and appreciated for who they are as individuals.
2. Encourage Positive Conflict Resolution
Rather than stepping in immediately to stop every argument, help your children develop the skills to resolve their conflicts in a healthy, productive way. Equip them with the tools to express their feelings verbally, negotiate, and compromise when disagreements arise. When children learn these conflict-resolution skills, they not only manage sibling rivalry more effectively but also develop essential life skills that will serve them in future relationships. Encouraging them to use their words to explain their emotions rather than resorting to physical actions helps them gain emotional intelligence and self-regulation.
Example: Instead of stepping in with “Stop fighting right now!”, you could calmly say, “It sounds like both of you are upset. How do you think we can solve this together?” Then guide them to come up with solutions like taking turns, saying sorry, or working out a fair compromise. By modelling these techniques, you encourage your children to approach conflict with problem-solving skills rather than anger or frustration.
3. Avoid Comparison and Labelling
One of the most common triggers for sibling rivalry is when children feel they are being compared to each other. In our minds, or even verbally, labelling one child as the “good child” and the other as the “naughty child” can create a sense of unfairness and deepen resentment that will fuel sibling rivalry. It's important to remember that each child is unique, and their strengths and challenges should be recognised individually.
For example, when one child is acting out, we might say, “Why are you so naughty your brother doesn’t do that.” Even though it may be said out of frustration, this comparison is not helpful.
Instead of comparing, focus on each child’s unique qualities and the specific situation at hand.
For example: Instead of saying, “Why can’t you be more like your brother?” try saying:
“I can see you’re upset right now. Let’s take a moment to talk about what’s bothering you,”
This will help manage the behaviour while reinforcing their individuality.
4. Create Opportunities for Cooperation
Encourage your children to work together on shared tasks or projects. Cooperation can help them build a sense of teamwork, which fosters empathy and reduces rivalry. When children work together towards a common goal, they begin to see each other as allies rather than competitors.
Example: Set up activities where they must collaborate, like building something together with blocks or working on a family meal. Acknowledge their efforts with positive reinforcement: "It is nice to see you help each other."
5. Model Healthy Relationships
Children learn by observing you. If you model healthy conflict resolution and positive communication in your own relationships, they’re more likely to mimic these behaviours. Show them how to deal with disagreements respectfully and calmly. Your actions will speak louder than words.
Example: If you disagree with your partner, show your children how to calmly express your feelings and find a solution together. Use phrases like, “I feel frustrated, but let’s find a way to solve this together,” to teach them that conflicts can be handled calmly and respectfully.
6. Set Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Consistency is key when managing sibling rivalry. Set clear rules about acceptable behaviour and consistently reinforce those boundaries. When your children know what’s expected of them and the consequences for crossing the line, it helps reduce power struggles and promotes mutual respect.
Example: "In this family, we don’t hit, yell, or take things without asking. Let’s find a way to share and take turns." Reinforce these rules with gentle reminders, ensuring that your expectations are clear and fair to both children.
Remember that Sibling rivalry isn’t always loud or obvious. Sometimes, it’s the quiet competition for attention, the subtle withdrawal, or the child who seems to always put others first and give in. These quieter signs can be just as important to notice. As parents, creating small moments of individual connection can help each child feel seen and valued for who they are. It’s not about fixing every squabble, but understanding the emotions underneath – and showing our children that they never have to compete for our love.
Sibling rivalry is a normal part of growing up, but with patience, understanding, and consistent effort, you can help your children develop stronger, healthy relationships with each other. By promoting, cooperation, and respect, you’re not only managing their rivalry but also teaching them essential life skills they’ll carry into their adult relationships.
If you're struggling with your child's behaviour or emotional challenges, I’m here to help.
Book a free call with me to start making positive changes today.
Warm Regards
Ruth
