HOW NEGATIVE PARENTING IMPACTS CHILDREN

Avoid long lasting emotional wounds

When I became a mum, I was just 25 years old. I was ready and very excited, but looking back, I realised I was young and naive.

Like most parents - and you might be one of them - I wanted the world for my children and did the best I could at the time, I soon realised parenting was more complicated than I thought, and sometimes felt overwhelmed with the responsibility it bought me.

I worked and trained in the early years and saw first-hand the adverse effects negative parenting had on children's well-being and the lasting wounds it creates, and I was keen to avoid this with my children.

I began a lifelong journey to understand what makes children thrive and how parenting impacts them so I could do my best as a mum and for the children I worked with. In this blog, we will look at negative parenting, how it impacts children, and how to avoid leaving the lasting wounds it creates.

Experts refer to negative parenting as any behaviour, attitude, or action by a parent that harms a child's physical, emotional, or psychological development. This can include neglecting a child's basic needs for food, shelter, and medical care, or failing to provide a safe and nurturing environment. 

Negative parenting includes being overly critical, emotionally abusive, violent, permissive, or neglectful. It can involve not providing enough guidance, support, or education to help children succeed.  It uses fear-based punishments to make children feel bad and improve children's challenging behaviour. This may work short term, but it will create a disconnection and resentment between you both, and your child will be less cooperative in the long term.

Although we are not looking to be perfect parents, understanding how we impact our children can help us be mindful of our actions and be a positive influence.

THREE WAYS NEGATIVE PARENTING IMPACTS CHILDREN

1

PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDERS

Negative parenting makes children profoundly more likely to suffer from psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety, addictive behaviour, and mental and physical health problems. Children may start to believe that they are unimportant or not valued, which can leave lasting emotional wounds that will hold them back and are hard to heal.

2

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Children who are poorly parented can become rebellious, demanding, and spoilt. 

They may believe they are entitled to have things their way and will play up until they get it. They may grow up to feel inadequate or unworthy of love and attention and often seek negative relationships with others because that is what they know - making it hard to build healthy relationships with friends, family, and adults.

3

LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND LACK OF CONFIDENCE

Children are more likely to have low self-esteem and lack confidence. They may develop feelings of shame, guilt, and worthlessness, leading to negative limiting beliefs and struggle to feel good enough, leaving them sad and lonely, and they often can't understand why.

Negative parenting will ultimately make children more reactive and uncooperative, harm your relationship with them and create a disconnection between you.

POSITIVE PARENTING

Positive parenting is the alternative to negative parenting; it focuses on building strong, healthy relationships between parents and their children. It is based on the idea that children learn best when treated with respect, empathy, and understanding and when given clear expectations and consistent guidance. Positive parenting emphasises creating a safe and nurturing environment that supports a child's physical, emotional, and psychological development. 

This approach encourages parents to focus on their child's strengths and abilities rather than their weaknesses or mistakes and to use positive reinforcement and rewards to encourage good behaviour. 

Positive parenting also promotes effective communication, problem-solving, and conflict-resolution skills, emphasising the value of setting clear boundaries and expectations appropriate for a child's age and developmental level. They use appropriate consequences for challenging behaviour that teach children rather than punish them.

Not only is positive parenting effective in raising resilient, happy, thriving children, but it also makes parenting a much more pleasurable experience. Once we get this right, our whole family will feel happier and more connected.  Which would you prefer?

Ruth