HOW TO DEAL WITH TANTRUMS
Are you a parent struggling to navigate the often overwhelming world of toddler tantrums?
Don't worry - you're not alone!
After working with young children professionally for many years (and as a parent), I've learned a few simple strategies to help you manage tantrums like a pro.
In this blog post, we'll be looking at the difference between tantrums and meltdowns, why children have tantrums, and I'll share my top tips for reducing stress at home and enjoying your time with your child.
There are many reasons toddlers have tantrums - like when your little one gets frustrated because they can't communicate their needs or when they're tired or hungry. Or they may be overwhelmed by everything around them.
This is normal
Remember, tantrums are not a sign of bad behaviour or disobedience. They're your child's way of expressing big emotions. As a parent, you can help your toddler learn how to manage their feelings by being patient and setting clear boundaries while giving them positive reinforcement for good behaviour.
By understanding your child's needs and providing them with a safe and loving environment, you can help them develop essential skills like communication and emotional regulation that will serve them well as they continue to grow and explore the world around them.
TANTRUMS V MELTDOWNS
Have you ever wondered the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown? They are commonly used to describe different types of children's outbursts.
A tantrum is usually considered a milder outburst where the child still has some control over their behaviour. Many parents have noticed that if they ignore a tantrum, it tends to subside on its own.
On the other hand, a meltdown is a more severe outburst where the child loses complete control, and the behaviour only stops when they wear themselves out or with the help of a calming parent.
Have you ever wondered the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown? They are commonly used to describe different types of children's outbursts.
A tantrum is usually considered a milder outburst where the child still has some control over their behaviour. Many parents have noticed that if they ignore a tantrum, it tends to subside on its own.
On the other hand, a meltdown is a more severe outburst where the child loses complete control, and the behaviour only stops when they wear themselves out or with the help of a calming parent.
FIVE WAYS TO MANAGE TODDLER TANTRUMS LIKE A PRO!
1
Stay calm
We have all been there - Your child is having a full-blown tantrum in a crowded supermarket or playground. It can be overwhelming and stressful, leaving you feeling embarrassed and unsure of what to do next.
But here's the thing - how you respond to your child's tantrum can significantly impact their emotional development. When you take a deep breath, stay calm, and respond in a way that models emotional regulation, you teach your child valuable skills they can use throughout their life.
Instead of getting frustrated and yelling at your child, you can say something like:
"I know you're upset, but yelling isn't going to help us solve this problem.
Let's take a deep breath and think about what we -can- do instead."
This helps your child learn that having big feelings is okay, but there are healthy ways to express and manage them.
By remaining calm and modelling positive behaviour, you're showing your child that you're a safe and reliable source of support. This can help them feel more secure and confident in managing their emotions in the future.
2
Co-Regulation
Co-regulation is about helping your child learn how to self-soothe when feeling overwhelmed. Children aren't born with this skill, so it's up to parents and caregivers to teach them how to manage their emotions.
When your child is upset, it's important to remember that they're in their right brain, which is all about emotions and creativity, rather than their left brain, which is all about logic and reasoning.
If your child is upset that they can't have their friend's toy, speaking logically to their left brain would sound like:
"You can't have that, your brother is playing with it."
You can see how this might make them reactive and start a tantrum. Instead, try speaking to their emotional right brain and, in a soothing, calm tone, say something like:
"I know it's tough when you want something someone else HAS.
It's okay to feel upset about that."
Once your child feels validated, heard, and understood, you can then start to connect with their left brain by suggesting a solution by saying something like:
"Let's go and play with the truck or bike while you wait your turn."
or
"How about we play a different game together?"
Using a combination of emotional right-brain and logical left-brain communication can help your child feel supported and understood while also helping them learn how to manage their emotions.
So, the next time your child is upset, try co-regulating to help them self-soothe.
3
Identify Emotions
In times of distress, it can be challenging for children to put a name to their feelings. However, helping them to do so can be a powerful tool for their emotional development. Rather than brushing off their emotions or telling them to stop crying, try acknowledging how they feel.
If your child is throwing a tantrum, you might say:
"I can see that you're feeling really frustrated right now."
By doing this, you are validating their emotions and giving them the vocabulary they need to express themselves effectively.
Encouraging them to put their feelings into words, such as "I feel angry because I can't have that toy," can help them develop their emotional intelligence and learn to manage their feelings in a healthy way.
4
Distract
Be one step ahead of your child by anticipating problems and distract them towards activities you want them to do.
Try asking your child to help you find something in the shop, or give them a book to look at and make it a game! You can divert them onto playing with a pot and pan at home instead of emptying out the spice draw.
Use your imagination and distract them when you can.
5
Ignore
When it comes to managing tantrums, sometimes ignoring your child's outburst may be the best option. This helps avoid rewarding unwanted behaviour with attention.
Many parents have noticed that if they ignore a tantrum, it tends to subside on its own. It is important to ensure your child's safety and stay present and nearby to offer comfort when they're ready.
If your child is having a tantrum because they're not getting their way, you could try ignoring the behaviour and focusing on something else until they calm down. This approach helps your child learn that tantrums are ineffective in getting what they want.
It's essential to note that ignoring your child's tantrum does not mean that you're ignoring their needs or feelings. Instead, you're sending them a message that you won't respond to unwanted behaviour.
When you ignore a tantrum, it is essential to stay nearby and ensure their safety. This helps them learn that they need to express their emotions in a healthy way without having to resort to a tantrum.
If your child is having a tantrum in the grocery store because they want sweets, you could try ignoring the behaviour and calmly continue shopping. Once they calm down, you could acknowledge their feelings and offer them a healthy snack like a piece of fruit.
Doing this teaches them that tantrums are ineffective in getting what they want and there are better ways to communicate their needs.
Keep up the good work!
Ruth